Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.