I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.