When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.