When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.