If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.