If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?