If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.

The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.