I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.