Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.

Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.