I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.