I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.