I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.