Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.