Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.