Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.