Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.