You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.

Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.