You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.