You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.