Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.