Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.