Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.