When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.