Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.