Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.