Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.