Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Comedy is rarely funny.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.