Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.