Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.