I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.