I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.