I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.