At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.