At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.