If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.