If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.