Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.