Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.