It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.