It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.