Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.