Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?