Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.