Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.