Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.