Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.