If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.
Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.
America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.