False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Comedy is rarely funny.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.