False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.