The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.