The man I want to be could easily beat me up.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.