Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.