Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.