Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.