Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.