Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.