Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?