Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.