Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.