I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.