If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.