Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.