Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.