Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.