The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.