The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.