If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

The man I want to be could easily beat me up.