The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.
You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.