Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.