Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.