Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.