I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.