I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.