Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.