I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.