Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.