A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.