A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?