A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.